UNCLE NICK!!!

Last night after playing a competitive game of Monopoly with my kids, I decided that I needed to get out of the house. So I headed up to Sundance to listen to some live music and have a couple of drinks. The place is pretty quiet so I find a seat at the bar, order a beer and turn around to listen to the band. I'm enjoying myself and it is just the R&R I needed after a long week of work and kids.
Next thing I know a flood of people enter the bar. They are all happy and seem to know each other very well. They crowd around the bar blocking me in and surrounding me. A woman who I later learn is named Sarah, says "Hey Uncle Nick! What should I order?" Uncle Nick says "10 shots!" So Sarah orders 10 shots and starts passing them out. They all toast and Uncle Nick hands me his shot. So I say "Thank You!" and drink the shot of tequila. Then Uncle Nick says "10 more!" And again Uncle Nick INSISTS that I drink his shot! So I do! And Uncle Nick is quickly becoming one of my favorite people!
I come to find out that Uncle Nick's son is getting married the next day and this is the wedding party celebrating the happy event. Uncle Nick is one of these friendly people that you just can't help but love. He's introducing me around and making me feel like part of the family. He introduces me to his son the groom who proceeds to buy me a beer! What was supposed to be a quick trip up to Sundance to listen to some music and relax has quickly become a PARTY with a very close knit family from the Boston area!
Isn't it great how certain events like a wedding can bring such a happy spirit into a room! And isn't it heart warming to see a family celebrating that event together! I doubt I will ever see anyone from that wedding party again, but they have touched my life and made it brighter because of the experience. And Uncle Nick will always be one of my favorite people! Not just because he was buying drinks for everyone, but mainly because of his infectious positive attitude!

What is Value???

I had an interesting conversation with a friend about self-worth. She talked about getting to a place where she no longer sees herself as her body. That is just the vehicle that allows her to exsist on this planet, but has nothing to do with her value as a person. That struck me as a very healthy perspective. It reminds me of the analogy of the hundred dollar bill. The story goes something like this:

A public speaker holds up a hundred dollar bill and asks the audience "Who would like this hundred dollar bill?" Everyone's hand goes up. So he crumples up the hundred dollar bill and asks the same question again. Of course, everyone's hand still goes up. Then he steps on the hundred dollar bill and grinds it into the floor. Again he asks "Who would like this hundred dollar bill?" Everyone's hand still goes up. His point is that the value of that hundred dollar bill has nothing to do with its appearance. It has a certain innate value by virtue of being a hundred dollar bill.

I was contemplating that story and wondered how it would change if that public speaker had said; "This exact hundred dollar bill was used to purchase a gun that was then used to kill a mother and her small children! Who would like to have this hundred dollar bill?" Something tells me there would be few if any takers. Suddenly that hundred dollar bill doesn't seem quite so valuable.

I'll be the first to admit that my ego takes control more often than not. I tend to judge myself and others by appearance. I equate value based on appearance. But something tells me that my perspective is skewed. Something tells me that value has much more to do with how we affect the lives of others and much less to do with our appearance.

Star Trek Night!!!

Tonight is "Star Trek Night"!!! That's right...the night my kids and I sit down to watch another exciting episode from Season One of the Star Trek series. Now I was never much of a Treky growing up. My older brother on the other hand was a full blown Star Trek fanatic! In fact, I remember once during one of our blended family adventures, my loving older brother hit one of my step-sisters with a baseball bat because she changed the channel from Star Trek!

But I digress. The reason tonight is Star Trek night is because my youngest son who is 10 years old was watching a rerun of Star Trek Deep Space 9. I sat down with him for a few minutes until I realized that the content of that series was a bit over his head and probably not appropriate for him. So I told him about the original Star Trek series that was on T.V. when I was a kid. So we purchased the Season One DVD set. But instead of letting him retreat to the basement and sit in front of the T.V. watching hours of Star Trek, I told him that we would have a Star Trek Night and watch just one episode a week just like when the series first came out.

You would not believe how excited my kids get when it's Star Trek night!!! Not necessarily because Star Trek is the most exciting television series ever produced. But mostly because they get to spend some time with Dad! And it really drove home the importance of family traditions and rituals. In our modern day society, we get so busy we rarely have quality time together as a family. Even eating dinner together can be a challenge. So creating and planning family time can be very important. And it certainly doesn't have to be anything elaborate. Even something as simple as Star Trek Night!

Change

Change has always been difficult for me. For those of you who have read Who Moved My Cheese, I can relate very well to Hem and Haw! It's not that I don't enjoy diversity and new experiences. I love travel and exploring new cultures and discovering parts of this amazing world we live in. I love meeting new people. I love to be spontaneous and just do something because it sounds fun. Just like my previous post about my golf trip. I woke up one morning to a text message from my good friend in Denver inviting me to fly out for his member/guest tournament. It took me all of 10 seconds to respond and tell him "I'm in"!!! Then I made the arrangements with my kids so I could make it happen. But there are certain areas of my life that are just too comfortable and I seem to resist change with all my might. Like my current career situation. I have been working with the same small family business for almost 20 years www.empoweringpeople.com. It has provided well for my family throughout the years and has given me the opportunity to work with my mom. But for the past 5 years I have realized that the business cycle is on the down slope. But I just can't seem to get my ass in gear to start wandering the maze of life looking for new cheese. Sure I'll take a peek around the corner and look a little. But I've never actually been able to let go of my current situation long enough to really explore my options and go through the difficult process of change. But now I don't have a choice! Like it or not change is coming and it is stressing me out! My coping mechanism is to just ignore it. Put my head in the sand and pretend it isn't really happening. On my best days I feel positive and excited about the possibilities. On my worst days I feel frustrated, lonely and overwhelmed. But one way or another, the kids and I will make it through this change. And looking back I will be grateful for the new opportunities and experiences.

FRIENDS

Can men and women be friends?

This is a topic I think we have all dealt with at some point in our lives. I first encountered this when I was 8 years old. I had my very first girl "friend". We lived right across the street and had so much fun together. We would walk to the bus stop, play outside all day, ride bikes downtown to get a chocolate dipped ice cream cone, sleep outside on the trampoline. We were great buddies. But we were also a boy and a girl. So I climbed the big eucalyptus tree by our house and carved "Brad + Nona = True Love"! Once on the way home from the bus stop we stopped in the apple orchard and experienced our very first kiss!!! And I can still remember like it was yesterday the night we were sleeping on the trampoline with a group of kids. I was laying awake counting shooting stars. I thought everyone else was asleep and I was whispering each time I saw a shooting star...one, two, three, four. Then before I could say the next number, Nona leaned over, kissed me on the cheek and whispered "Five"!!! A wonderfully innocent romantic moment!

Then a couple years later I moved away and went through Junior High and puberty! Suddenly that innocent 8 year old boy was trapped inside an adolescent body trying to make sense of all the urges and surges. But I've always had a lot of female friends. I can remember times when I wished a friendship would be more. I can also remember having female friends who wished it would be more. Sometimes the friendship was obvious because the girl might have been dating someone that I knew. Somehow that "unavailability" eliminates the awkwardness and allows for friendship.

So what's the answer? Can men and women be friends? To be honest I am still experimenting with the concept and don't have a clear answer. Recently I have tried to remain friends with a woman after ending our 8 month relationship. That is very difficult because when someone has been much more than a friend, it feels natural to want that intimate connection to remain. No matter how logical it seems in your head, your heart and emotions just don't understand. So we drifted back into more than friendship. We had hurt feelings and misunderstandings. We were confused and conflicted at times. But we have also had amazing supportive conversations over coffee. We enjoyed lunches, dinners, concerts and movies without the pressures of an intimate relationship. But I know it was only because we were both using an incredible amount of self-discipline and restraint.

I also have a wonderful female friend that I met shortly after I ended my relationship. She was also coming out of a relationship and so neither one of us was ready for anything more. So we became friends. Our children get along great. We have wonderful deep conversations about life and love. We go to lunch, dinner, concerts and movies. Wait a minute...this is sounding familiar! But the difference is that we have never been anything more than friends. So those strong emotions that come with intimacy are missing. Even though she is very beautiful, I don't have any of those same pangs of emotion like I do when I am trying to be friends with my former girlfriend.

I would welcome comments on this post, but here is what I think. Men and women CAN be friends, but it all depends on the situation. It's not much different than a romantic relationship. We all have experienced the "Dating Game". You know how it's played..."I hope she likes me" or "Uh oh...I hope he doesn't like me". The game stops when you find that connection and chemistry. There's no more doubt because you both know you want to be together and wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I think it's the same with friendship. If one person just wants to be friends and the other person wants more than friendship it just won't work very well. But if both people are committed to being good friends and nothing more...that can be a wonderful experience!!! Just stay away from those apple orchards! ;-)

GOLF

In my humble opinion...golf is the greatest game ever invented! I spent the past weekend playing in a member/guest tournament with a good friend! What an amazing Father's Day weekend!!! I am so grateful that my kids allowed me to spend the weekend out of town doing what I love! Isn't that what Father's Day should be about???

I love golf because it is as much a mental game as it is a physical game. Especially when playing in a tournament. Friday was our practice round and I played very well shooting a 78! Equaling my best round on that golf course. Then Saturday the tournament began and I couldn't find my swing. What seemed so easy the day before suddenly became a silent (well sometimes not so silent) struggle between me, the golf course and my anxiety about playing in a tournament. And although it was a frustrating day it taught me a lot about my current ability to handle pressure. Golf takes a positive attitude. It takes the ability to bounce back from adversity. And it can humble even the most talented of players as was demonstrated by Aaron Baddeley who Sunday afternoon started the U.S. Open with a two shot lead and proceeded to triple bogey the first hole!

But golf is so much more than that! It is also a bonding experience. My Father taught me the game and we were able to spend many hours together on the golf course throughout his life. Some of my most memorable experiences with my best friends have included a round of golf. Next year some good friends and I are planning a trip to Scotland to play some of the oldest courses in the world. I can't wait!!! Even though I've heard these courses are very difficult and I will most likely leave a lot of golf balls on the course hidden in the feskew...I will be experiencing the birthplace of the game of golf! And that will be worth every penny and every lost golf ball!

Boot Camp

Becoming a full-time single father was quite a shock at first! Like most dads, I was much better at being a relief pitcher. I would come home from work and play with the kids and read them a book before bed. I also enjoyed coaching little league teams and helping with the other extra curricular activities. But like most of my current golf buddies and poker buddies...I would start to crumble if left home with the kids for more than an hour.

So when I first started parenting on my own, I was completely overwhelmed. T.V. became a thing of the past! My golf game began to suffer and folding laundry became my new hobby! And then about a month into this new adventure I went through a month of Boot Camp!!!

The flu hit our household with a vengeance! But of course my kids didn't cooperate and get the bug at the same time. Instead they each got the flu about one week apart. So for three solid weeks I was nursing kids back to health, changing sheets and cleaning up puke! And then just when I thought the nightmare was over...I got the flu!!! Suddenly I had a new perspective on single parenting. It actually isn't quite as hard as I perceived it to be. Because when you try and handle that job with the flu, you realize that it could be much, much more difficult. So from that time forward I tried to have more of an attitude of gratitude. And somewhere along the line I also realized that I can't do it all. One man can only accomplish so much in a day and I learned to let things go. I still have the occasional meltdown...but they have become few and far between.

A StrAinge New Blog

I had heard of blogging, but never really understood the concept. Then I stumbled on to http://dancingwithcrazy.blogspot.com/ and was thoroughly entertained! Not only that, but it seems very therapeutic for the author. So I thought I would venture into the world of blogging. I am a full-time single father and a lot of what I write in this blog will relate to the single parenting lifestyle.

As a brief background...I have been married twice. I have a daughter from my first marriage that lives with her mom. I have a boy and girl from my second marriage as well as a step-son who all live with me. My second wife is out of the picture most of the time, but does visit her children about once a month.

I have been single now for 5 years and have been learning and growing each and every day. The challenges of raising kids, making a living and dating will put you on the fast track of personal growth and enlightenment. I'm looking forward to sharing the journey!

Brad