The Parking Lot Poem

When I need to park my car, I don't need to be too far

From the car next to me...about two feet, maybe three

But the parking spaces are so small, I almost have to make a call

To 911 to rescue me, and use the jaws of life to set me free

It's a good thing I don't drive a Hummer, that would REALLY be a bummer

Not only would I be a self-absorbed ass, while finding a space I'd run out of gas

The smallest parking spaces are at my gym, where people go to get more slim

But your workout program won't get too far, if you can't even get out of your car

So parking space painter guy give us a break, open your eyes for goodness sake

All we need is a few feet more, so we don't ding our cars when we open the door

The Job Interview

Since I have been in this eternal "Groundhog Day" search for employment, I feel I must write a little bit about the job interview process. I firmly believe that Human Resource Professionals and Hiring Managers must have spent their childhoods burning insects with a magnifying glass, because they seem to enjoy making people squirm. It feels like the scene in the movie "It's a Wonderful Life". You remember when Mr. Potter brings George Bailey into his office and tells him to sit down in that chair that is so low to the ground he looks like an 8-year-old boy looking up at the desk. That's pretty much me.

And then as the interview begins I have to sit there and pretend I like this person who is asking me all these stupid questions. Because let's face it, this guy has the power to help me pay for my son's braces and my daughter's college tuition. So I sit there and do my best to answer the questions.

In my most recent interview the guy actually asked me "What is your favorite movie line?". "My favorite movie line?" "Did you say my favorite movie line?" I'll tell you what my favorite movie line is you %#&*@!!! My favorite movie line is "What kind of stupid question is that?". I'm not sure what movie that is from, but I am sure that at some point in cinematic history that line was uttered. That's my favorite movie line you little #$%&*!!!

I didn't get that job.


So if you are someone who interviews prospective employees, let me say this. I get that you already have a job. And I get that for me to get a job with your company I will need to answer your questions. But do us both a favor and make the questions quick, relevant and to the point. Because I need to get back home so I can wake up tomorrow morning to my alarm clock playing "I Got You Babe" by Sonny and Cher.

What's For Dinner?

When I find an easy to prepare dinner that my kids will eat, I want to announce it to the world!!!

Tonight we had Trident Pubhouse Battered Alaskan Halibut from Costco. Just throw it in the oven for 25 minutes and it's ready. My kids are very picky, but they finished their halibut in minutes and were asking for more.

Quite honestly...this halibut is as good (if not better) than anything you will eat in a restaurant.

Mid-Life Crisis

A lot of men have a midlife crisis...

Mine just happens to be lasting 20 years and involves driving a minivan! :-)

StrAinge Humbling Experiences

Has this ever happened to you?

I was at the gym this morning working out in the cardio area. All of a sudden I catch a whiff of body odor. So I start getting annoyed and judgmental. My thoughts go something like this: "Come on man! I'm trying to workout here!" "Have you ever heard of deodorant pal? Maybe you should add it to the shopping list!" "Geez, this is ridiculous!"

Then suddenly I had the horrifying realization... "Wait a minute! That's Me!"

To add insult to injury, I was working out right next to my neighbor. I'm sure she was thinking "No wonder that guy's still single! Good Grief!"

More StrAinge Movie Reviews

Okay...here is another post of movie reviews. Did I mention I'm currently dating my Apple T.V.???

Five Star Movies

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - I know women like him for a different reason, but Brad Pitt can really act! This movie won the Oscar for Visual Effects, Makeup and Art Direction. Once you see the movie you will know why it received these Oscars. Absolutely Amazing! I also loved the story and the message of this movie. I won't give too much away, but it makes you realize that the meaning of life is the same regardless of which way you are traveling.

The Pianist - The subject matter of this movie is very difficult to watch, but the movie is excellent! The true story of Wladyslaw Szpilman who, in the 1930s, was known as the most accomplished piano player in all of Poland, if not Europe. At the outbreak of the Second World War, however, Szpilman becomes subject to the anti-Jewish laws imposed by the conquering Germans.

Four Star Movies

Milk - The fact that this movie is based on a true story is very powerful and dramatic. I've always been a big fan of Sean Penn ever since his breakout roll in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Some actors are very good at playing one type of character, but Sean Penn completely immerses himself in every character. You get lost in the experience and forget you are watching a movie.

The Wrestler - Mickey Rourke and Marisa Tomei were excellent in this movie. The story draws you in and the characters are very believable.

Man on a Wire - This movie has a great overall message of following your passion. The movie is based on the life of Philippe Petit, and he is still alive today which gives an authentic feel to the movie. I was touched by the interview at the end.

Benny & Joon - I loved this quirky little movie made in 1993. Johnny Depp plays a delightful character and the story is charming and heartwarming. A real gem!

I'm Reed Fish - What can I say? I like quirky movies. I'm also in love with Schuyler Fisk. She is so adorable. I had no idea what to expect from this movie. I only rented it for Schuyler Fisk's music. So I guess it was a pleasant surprise. It has the same feel as Juno which I also liked a lot.

Gran Torino - Clint Eastwood! Need I say more?


Three Star Movies

Fracture - Anthony Hopkins plays one roll (the psychotic killer) and he plays it very well. This was a very good psychological thriller with a twist. Well worth the time.

Yes Man - Jim Carrey loves these roles and he his very funny. Also, I have never seen a movie co-starring Zooey Deschanel when she wasn't absolutely adorable.

Marley and Me - This movie had a chance to be great. It takes too long to get to the good part at the end. I have to admit that I teared up a bit. I had a dog that was with me for many years, so I can relate. I think the director made some errors in crafting the story, but hang in there because it is worth the two hours.

Taken - Not bad as far as Action Adventure movies go. I'm always intrigued by the "Good Guy" who shoots first and asks questions later. But the "Bad Guys" always say "Freeze" and take the "Good Guy" prisoner. I guess it would be a very short movie otherwise.

He's Just Not That Into You - This was a fun movie. The last five minutes was "Five Star" worthy, but the whole movie is worth watching.

Happy Accidents - Stumbling onto this movie was a "Happy Accident". I was thoroughly entertained. The story slowly unfolds and keeps you engaged. Kind of like a good novel.



Two Star Movies

Seven Pounds - I'm not sure why, but this was not one of my favorite movies.

Flash of Genius - This movie had a chance to be great, but it was too long. They needed to spend less time on the details of the windshield wiper and more time on the characters. I mean...you could watch the trailer and you already know the plot.

Eagle Eye - I guess I was bored.

I've Loved You So Long - This movie didn't do it for me. The subject matter is very dark and it never really captured my attention.

Doubt - You know you are going to get great acting with Meryl Streep and Philip Seymour Hoffman, but the story was not compelling enough for me.

Junebug - Maybe I'm not "Artsy Fartsy" enough, but this movie didn't do it for me. The acting was good, but the movie doesn't really have a point. It just makes you feel kind of like you've spent two hours being disfunctional.

The Reader - Great acting, but a very bizarre plot.


UNO Star Movies

Happy Go Lucky - Never, Never, Never trust the reviews on iTunes. This was a featured movie that got rave reviews and nothing but positive user reviews. But there was really no point to this movie. I don't mind a movie that follows a quirky British actress around in a series of pointless scenes. But maybe they could consider having some sort of plot that makes it worthwhile.

How To Tell If You Are A Stressed Out Single Dad

Step One: Check in the mirror for gray hair.

Step Two: If you have experienced 5 or more of the following scientifically proven indicators you are officially a stressed out single dad. I have personally experienced ALL of them!!!

1. You drive away from the gas station with the gas pump still attached to your gas tank.
2. Your kids are involved in Piano Lessons, Karate, Basketball, Dance, and Scouts. ALL IN THE SAME DAY!!!
3. You have frequent heart palpitations.
4. You can quote lines from every Disney movie made in the last 10 years.
5. Grocery shopping ALL BY YOURSELF is the most satisfying part of your week.
6. You TiVo the Oprah Winfrey Show.
7. You can do laundry and dishes in your sleep...and you often do.
8. You log more miles than a New York cab driver.
9. You have the school calendar memorized, but your personal calendar is empty.
   
10. You go to the dentist for a root canal and it is the most relaxing part of your day.