Monday, September 6, 2010

Positive Discipline Tool Card - Eye to Eye

Have you noticed it doesn’t work when you sit on the couch and yell at your child from across the room?

1) Stop whatever you are doing. Get up and get close enough to your child to see his or her eyes.
2) You’ll notice that you speak more softly when you make the
 respectful effort to see your child’s eyes.

This tool card is similar to the Pay Attention and Listen tool cards. But I think we need more than one way to remember this concept. It makes such a big difference when our children feel like they have our undivided attention. Often we forget this concept for the sake of expediency. But if you stop and think about it, does it really save time when we are multi-tasking and treating our kids like objects on the chess board of life?

How long does it take to stop what we are doing, get down on our child's level, look in their eyes and speak to them respectfully. "Emma, could you please be in charge of getting your room cleaned up before we leave for our vacation?" Compare that to yelling down the stairs " need to clean your room before we leave for vacation!!!" You will probably need to yell that same thing 3 or 4 times before the child will even acknowledge your existence. Especially if they happen to be watching television at the time. So ask yourself..."Which method is really more efficient?"


Unknown said...

it's very common things in our life,but some can do this...from their attention! I try to do this, thanks for these ^^

Mom With Bipolar said...

I am new to this blog and to Positive Discipline, but we've been doing something similar for a year now - Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control.

I love this tool card. It is a great reminder for me, as I am very guilty of yelling down the stairs, especially when supper is ready and they are watching TV. I try to give a 5 minute heads-up, but they don't always hear or process that, either. I have two children with slow processing as well, so this will really help. However, I can't expect my son with Asperger's to actually look me in the eyes, but I can tell he processed what I said in other ways.

Jane Nelsen said...

Parents often nag at their children to control their behavior when parents don't control their own behavior. Been there, done that. I think we need to do a new tool card on "Take some Parent Time-Out"
The tag line could be: "Model Self-Control"
I'm creating this as I go. :-)
1) Take 3 deep breaths.
2) Count to 10 before acting.
3) Remember your long-term goals.
4) What are you are modeling for your child?

Kali said...

You wrote, "How long does it take to stop what we are doing, get down on our child's level, look in their eyes and speak to them respectfully?" I know a lot of people think that it takes more time than yelling across the room (my mother being one of them), and technically, it probably does.

But what is key is that yelling across the room rarely works the first time - it's usually 10-12 times. So getting down to their level and speaking respectfully is definitely less time and energy than screaming a dozen times! (Something I am still trying to get my mother to recognize!)

Single Dad Brad said...

I really like the idea of taking 3 breaths and counting to 10. Lately I have been reacting to my children's sibling rivalry. My daughter will scream and I will come to the rescue and get angry with my son for being a bully. But last night my daughter was upset because she doesn't like it when I am angry. So I am beginning to believe that the "Putting the Kids in the Same Boat" tool card has some validity. I may have to just bite my tongue and stay out of my children's fights.

Karen said...

WOW! This card is really tricky! After reading this post I'm really aware of how often I call up or down the stairs to talk to people. Yikes!

Anonymous said...

Looking forward to the next card!