Sunday, June 6, 2010

Positive Discipline Tool Card - Mistakes

See mistakes as opportunities for learning.

1) Respond with compassion and kindness to mistakes rather than with shame, blame or lecturing.
2) When appropriate, use curiosity questions to help your child “explore” the consequences of her mistakes.
3) During dinner time invite everyone to share a mistake they made during the day and what they learned from it.

I LOVE this Positive Discipline Tool Card. Not just for my kids...but for me! I make sooooo many mistakes, but now I can look at them as "opportunities for learning". I make mistakes as a parent. I make mistakes at work. God knows I make mistakes with women. I'm pretty sure I must be the smartest person in town by now.

And my kids will like this tool card as well. What a great perspective on mistakes. We are not encouraging mistakes, but we do celebrate them. Especially if the mistake is made while trying to improve. How many times do we discourage our children by getting angry when they make mistakes. Take a step back this week and observe your reactions when your children make a mistake. Let's all try to celebrate those mistakes as opportunities for learning!


Janeen T, aka: Ben's Mommy said...

I read a great article on parenting this weekend; the featured comment from the author was: "There is no perfection in parenting." I find that statement to be very comforting.

Jane Nelsen said...

Brad, I miss hearing what your kids say when you discuss a tool card with them--and of course what you say back. :-)

sassy said...

great writing-I look forward to more tips!

lei said...

hi brad...nice blogging...i just ran into your blog today..and i'm picking up tips in no time! will look forward to more of your stories....letting me know I AM NOT ALONE in my journey as a single mom...have fun this summer!

Karen said...

I had a good experience with my daughter using this card. I went to pick her up to take her out for lunch one day as a treat, and when I did, my daughter was sitting very sheepishly and looked so sad. The Principal approached me and told me that my daughter had written on a teacher's desk and that she had been told that she would have to clean it off during the next break etc. I was very calm and only had wished that the Principal had taken me aside to tell me as I thought it was disrespectful to be discussing this amongst an office full of students!

Anyway, when we got in the car, my daughter looked so close to tears. I calmly asked her what happened. We talked about why she did it (she didn't know), how she felt (scared - she didn't realize that it was the desk of a very intimidating teacher and she was afraid of my reaction), what she could do (already planned on cleaning it up and apologizing). I said that it sounded like it was a mistake and that she had a plan for dealing with it and how not to have it happen in the future (not try to show-off in front of other kids) so now we could carry on and enjoy our lunch out! She was still a little upset but felt much better that this incident didn't have to become a part of her. Punishing her would only have been bad for our relationship and not accomplished anything more than that.

After school I asked her how it went, and she said "Mom, the teacher told me the same thing you did - that it was a mistake and he appreciated me apologizing and making it right!".