Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Job Searching 101

If you've watched my music video in a previous post...you know that I am currently looking for a new job. And as you might have gathered if you watched that video, I absolutely abhor the job search process. In case you've never gone through a job search, let me explain how it works. First I am supposed to "network", which means I need to set up appointments to talk to people I don't know that well and who wouldn't normally give me the time of day. The goal is to get advice and hopefully 3 more names of people I have never met who I can talk to about my job search and maybe get 3 more names from them and so on, and so on, and so on. Since these people really don't want to talk to me, it takes about 3 or 4 phone calls before I've sufficiently bugged them enough that spending 15 minutes with me is better than having me bug them all the time. If I'm lucky I get a referral from this process and actually set up a real live interview with an employer. Now the fun can really begin because this is where I get to answer questions designed to rule me out as a potential employee. And while I am answering these questions, I observe an actual employee of this company walking by picking his nose and scratching his ass. But to my surprise the human resource person doesn't even ask if I am capable of picking my nose and scratching my ass at the same time. No, she asks questions like "If you were dealing with a difficult international client who was dissatisfied with the initial proposal for a new marketing campaign, how would you handle the situation?" I'm not very knowledgeable about human resources, but I'm guessing that Simon Cowell went through similar training before starting American Idol, because by the time the interview is over I am convinced that I wouldn't be qualified to put paper in the copy machine. Then I drive home and pass that construction site near my house and notice the hobo in an orange vest sitting on the curb whose only job is to make sure nobody breaks through the huge construction zone barricades and I realize that with union pay he is probably making more than I will be making when I finally land a job. So when you see me directing traffic in my orange vest, please slow down, smile and wave because there's a 4 year degree and 20 years of business experience behind that guy holding the sign!

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