Create closeness and trust instead of distance and hostility by making sure the message of love gets through.
“ I love you and the answer is, no”
“You are more important to me than your grades. What do your grades mean to you?”
“I love you and have faith that we can find a respectful solution.”
This has been a very difficult concept for me recently. Ever since my son became a teenager we have lost a lot of our connection. It's kind of a "Catch 22" because I realize he acts out because he doesn't feel a connection, but then creating a connection is difficult because he is so annoying.
I do think that using different language could be helpful. Even though I am annoyed, I could say something like "Gibson...I love you, and right now I need you to let me help Emma with her school project without interruptions." Or "Gibson...I love you, and I need you to please stop talking to me in that sarcastic tone."
This may require that I develop the patience of Ghandi, but I am willing to give it a try.