Saturday, January 16, 2010
Positive Discipline Tool Card - Encouragement vs. Praise
Teach self-reliance instead of dependence on others.
Encouragement invites self-evaluation.
Praise invites children to become “approval junkies”.
Praise: “I am so proud of you. Here is your reward.”
Encouragement: “You worked hard. You must be so proud of yourself.”
Praise: You are such a good girl.”
Encouragement: “Thanks for helping.”
My kids and I discussed this tool card earlier today. My daughter had a very profound insight while we sat at the dinner table reading the card. She said "Yeah dad, if you give people a reward for doing something, they might not want to do it if they don't get the reward." I think that pretty much sums up this week's tool card. This week is all about learning the intrinsic value of accomplishment and teaching our children that sometimes it just feels good to help others, even if nothing is given in return.
So how did everyone do on the "Listen" tool card? I have to admit that listening to my children...REALLY listening to my children was more difficult than I thought it would be. To be perfectly honest, it was exhausting! Since I am involving my children in this process, they knew that I was working on listening better this past week. And they took full advantage of that fact, talking to me in great detail about every random thing that popped into their heads. And when I tried to tune out, my son would remind me "Dad, you're supposed to be listening this week."