Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills!

As Napoleon Dynamite so accurately stated "Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills!". So I thought I should list some of my unique skills. Although I'm a bit rusty on my nunchuck skills and my bow hunting skills...I have developed some valuable skills these past 7 years as a single parent.

1. Minivan Driving Skills - I can pick up one child from elementary school, drive her to get a costume for the school play, arrive at the Jr. High in time to pick up my son and go get him new basketball shoes for his first practice, get my daughter to play practice, take my son to basketball practice and pick up dinner. And I can do all this while taking a business call on my cell phone and driving with my knee!

2. Laundry Skills - Laundry is an art form. The key is to be able to wash and dry clothes without every using the ironing board. To accomplish this I must be sure to time the dryer so I can take the clothes out immediately and fold them. I would rather wash clothes a second time then use that ironing board.

3. Dish Washing Skills - When you live with children you need to possess black belt level dish washing skills. Dirty dishes sneak up on you all day long and it requires Ninja-like reflexes to keep up with them.

4. Take-Out Ordering Skills - This is a highly underestimated skill. At first glance it may appear that even a chimp could order take-out, but that chimp would have a bunch of whining, complaining kids on his hands. When ordering take-out you need to know all the subtleties of your children's eating habits. Who likes pickles and who prefers mustard instead of ketchup. Which pizza chain adds too much sauce. Do they like shredded chicken or grilled chicken. Was that coke or sprite today? And you need to keep up with the constantly changing preferences. "What do you mean you don't like carrots? Carrots are your favorite vegetable!" "Daaaaad...that was last week!"

No comments: